Here we are

Noelle with a sacred Hawthorne - The Burren, Ireland

“I think when there is a lot to cope with I tend to go a lot slower and a lot quieter. I think my inner world gets a lot noisier, so I need to make more space to sit and be quiet and let it say what it has to say, and feel what it has to feel. So you know, lots of stillness, candles, looking out windows - that kind of thing.”

— David Blower (Nomad Podcast, Q&A Special Episode)

So here we are.

How did we get here? What’s coming next? And when exactly will that be?

Unterlinden Museum, The Cloister - Colmar, France

These are some of the many questions that want sit in my conscious mind these days. Keeping me up at night and taking me away from the present moment.

LeFleur’s Bluff State Park - Jackson, Mississippi

What to do with all this change and sadness as it comes in so quickly? How to process what has happened in such a short period of time? How to stay present in this moment, and not get lost in the spiral of so many what if’s, and what will happen in the future?

I have a sense that we are all feeling a bit battered and stripped bare right now. That perhaps you too are experiencing those spiraling thoughts just like me. Encountering feelings bubbling up to the surface that you don’t really know how to deal with right now.

So what to do?

It has been into this jumbled and upside down world, that I found myself trying to find some stability. To seek out some insights that might give me a sense of comfort and hope. Something that will let me sit with all that is happening on the inside, and give me the tools to face what is happening on the outside.

But try as I might, I just kept spinning. So I did what I always do in when I feel this way.

I got quiet.

And I waited.

I sat in stillness.

And I listened.

Looking out the window of Betty - South Padre Island, Texas

I stopped trying to come up with easy answers, and spent more time watching the birds.

And like the quote from David Blower says, “I lit candles and I stared out some windows”.

And into all this sitting, and waiting, and listening, I have discovered a few things that I found helpful.

And hopeful.

Things that are letting me put down (for now) many of the questions and worries that can’t be resolved. Practices that are helping me be present to all that is happening - both inside and out.

My hope is that by sharing them here in this essay, you too might be able to feel more grounded and present, more able to face the changes that are coming so quickly in our direction.

That they might assist you in putting down some of the fears and questions you find yourself spinning through these days.

So here goes.

First: Our world is broken and yet it is still more beautiful than it is broken.

The great theologian Frederick Buechner once wrote, “Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don’t be afraid”

Julian Alps - Border between Italy and Slovenia

That these two realities can exist at the same time is beyond my comprehension, but it doesn’t make it any less true. It is one of the mysteries of living. I may not be able to understand it, or explain why it is so, but it does offer me some wisdom about how I can better live in that in between space of beautiful and terrible things.

Gulf of Mexico - South Padre Island, Texas

So yes, our world is broken. The messages that fill our social media feeds and our new reels are focused on this brokenness. These tools are necessary and they serve an important purpose. They keep us awake and make sure that we don’t turn our heads away from a world that needs our love and justice. We might not always like what we hear on the news, but we should be grateful for it. It keeps us real. It keeps us paying attention. And it doesn’t let us forget about the broken places that need our help.

But also this. In order to keep our hearts open to this information, we need to regularly dowse our spirits with beauty. We need to make it a habit to surround ourselves with love, and to companion stillness on a regular basis - or we will become weary, and give up hope, and stop offering help to a broken world.

So I ask you, what do you find beautiful?

What makes your soul sing out in joy?

How can you make these things as much a part of your day as you do your regular intake of news and information?

And another important question to consider; what brings you stillness?

Where do you find time for quiet each day?

In a world that is so often noisy and fraught with busyness, these are important anchors to return to on a regular basis.

Perhaps, for every few minutes that we thumb through our social media feeds, we can find a way to balance it out with beauty.

Or for every half hour that we tune into the nightly news, maybe we spend another half hour in silence.

Asking ourselves if we are as eager to sit outside and watch the moon rise, or the birds in the trees, or the slow opening of a new blossom, as we are to jump on Instagram or Twitter?

Reminding ourselves from time to time to put down the phone, to look around, and notice the beauty that is right in front of our eyes.

Imagine how much more peaceful our world could become if we all took a few minutes to sit in silence each day with no distractions? How much more beautiful - if we all took time to celebrate and be that beauty in our day?

It is an idea worth exploring don’t you think?

Second: Are you feeling a bit off? Agitated? Tired? Scared?

Yah, me too.

It is important for us to remember that we are all a little off kilter these days. And that along with practicing good physical distancing with our bodies, we should also be making a little extra space for our unsettled emotions and the emotions of others.

The fact of the matter is, we are all on edge.

We have all collectively gone through something life altering.

This change has been big and hard. We should not expect our emotional selves to be mellow and chill about all this transition and loss. We are going to feel this, and it is all new and unchartered territory.

Nymphenburg Palace Gardens - Munich, Germany

And if we are feeling off kilter, imagine how many others are feeling off kilter as well?

Our housemates, our partners, our families and neighbors, even our pets are all feeling scattered and edgy these days.

And yes, even that annoying jerk at the grocery store is feeling off kilter.

I don’t know about you, but I have to remind myself of this often. Otherwise I am more likely to jump to conclusions or say something that I might regret.

This is a difficult time, but it is also an opportunity to work on building up our empathetic muscles. To learn how we can better practice compassion for ourselves and for others.

Let us all commit to working a little harder to extend some room, and grace, to our fellow human beings (and our fur babies too).

And let’s all make a pledge to practice being kind - even when we don’t feel particularly kind (and that includes toward ourselves as well as other people in the world).

And then there is this:

Our world has a lot of unpacking to do - it’s going to get messy - but we can do it.

Letterpress grim, my studio - La Quinta, California

It is time for this world to get our things in order.

Many of us might not like to talk about racism, or classism, or about how many people in our world have to struggle for their basic needs. But it’s time.

When our own world is plugging along and things seem “normal”, it is easy to trick ourselves into thinking that it is not that bad for everyone.

But for many people (all too many in fact) life is a constant struggle that never goes away.

Too many people in our world live lives of suffering and difficulty - and here is the tough part of that reality - many of us play a role in that suffering.

As the whole world has now pressed the collective pause button much of this dirty laundry is surfacing, and the closets we have been stuffing our issues into are bursting at the seams, ready to pop open.

The time has come to gather together and start paying closer attention. To admit that we all have a hand in how this problem has been created, and dedicate ourselves to being part of its solution.

Unpacking is hard work but it’s time.

We need to start asking how we can help create a world where so many do not have to suffer at the expense of others.

How we can be part of a solution where everyone gets to live safely and have equal opportunities.

Where everyone gets to thrive.

Now is the time to quite making excuses. And to make this world just for all.

And never forget: We are more lovers than we are haters.

Brigid and Mecthild - Gulf of Mexico, South Texas

I know, you have seen the same things that I have been seeing and it has made you question if this can be true.

I often get despondent and think that all is lost.

I wonder what has happened to compassion?

I question our ability to love.

But that usually happens when my eyes have tuned into the wrong things. After all, we as humans are more biologically inclined to remember the bad over the good.

So I have to work at it. I have to consciously make myself keep track of all the good in the world.

Some people do this with a gratitude list or journal. I have a spot in my daily planner that asks me to write down three things that I am grateful for each day. This is a good beginning but I think we need more.

For each negative piece of news or information that we take in, let’s practice finding at least two things that help balance it out.

If you hear of someone doing something hateful, focus your attention on at least two places where you watched someone do something loving or kind (it’s out there - trust me).

If you get sucked into those awful comments in your social media feed, balance it out by seeking out those who are making comments designed to build up instead of tear down.

Then take the time to say those things out loud into the universe and to as many people as you can.

Multiply that message of goodness by speaking it out - again and again and again - to anyone who will hear.

50 candles - our jubilee birthday celebration

When the evils of the world threaten to overtake our sense of hope and possibility, we will be able to combat those feelings with the reality that goodness is actually more prevalent than hate.

We will know this because we will have been keeping track.

And finally: There are the hidden things

A few days ago I watched this little bee climb into a flower on our cactus and it got me thinking about hidden things.

How that little bee had to climb all the way into the unknown center of the flower to find the sweet nectar and pollen hidden inside.

Look really closely and you can see the little tiny back end of the bee in the folds of the pink flower.

It reminded me of a quote from the Indian philosopher Krishnamurti that said, “One is never afraid of the unknown, one is afraid of the known coming to an end”.

It seems as if Krishnamurti may have been speaking specifically to this time.

We are now in the liminal (in between) space of what was known and what is unknown, and we don’t know what is hidden around the next bend.

We cannot see into the flower that has yet to bloom. And that makes us very uncomfortable.

We are left creating disaster scenarios in our minds. Imagining the worst and preparing for a future that is anything but good (at least that is what I have a tendency to do).

Thistle, Saint John’s Abbey - St. Joseph, Minnesota

But what if we approached this unknown time like that little bee in search of nectar and sweet pollen?

What if we assumed that what was hidden in our futures might actually be sweet and good.

Cafe Alte Pinakothek - Munich, Germany — Cafe at the Alte Pinakothek - Munich, Germany

That it might be full of beauty and love.

That what is behind that hidden door will actually be restorative and hopeful for all.

Yes, it is true. The world is unfolding beneath us. Systems (both good and bad) are being dismantled. We are being challenged and changed. We don’t know what the future will look like.

But what is also true is that the world is more beautiful than it is broken.

Love is more powerful than hate.

Compassion is a choice we get to make.

And justice is something we can create together.

I have been sitting in stillness and listening - and I see so much possibility and goodness around me now.

I have been watching the birds, and they are so achingly beautiful and undisturbed by all that is happening in our world right now.

So I invite you - join me in the stillness.

Cappuccino in a street cafe - Venice, Italy

Light a candle.

Stare out the window.

Watch the sun come up over the horizon.

Dance under the full moon.

Breath in the possibility of all that has yet to be born.

Window in Monet’s House - Giverny, France

And in the words of one of the people in my life that I have considered one of the wise ones -don’t ever forget:

God is good – all the time.

Even now.

Noelle RollinsMay 19, 2020