Feeling Lost

Here in the desert, we are currently experiencing a “super bloom”. What is a super bloom you might ask? Well, its a special time when more wildflowers bloom than is normal for this time of year. It’s brought on by significant amounts of rainfall and cooler temperatures over the winter. And this year the bloom has been pretty spectacular (likely because the rains we had this winter were pretty spectacular as well).

But as it so happens to be – it is also the season of Lent in the Christian calendar which invites a sort of opposite behavior from the vibrant flourishing show that the flowers are choosing to put on right now. Instead, the season of Lent (which is the time Christians have designated as a preparation time prior to the celebration of Easter and the resurrection of Christ) asks us to go inside, become reflective, give up superfluous things to make more room for the holy. It is marked by practices such as fasting, repentance, and self-reflection.

And then, a couple of weeks ago I drove into our neighborhood and saw this beauty clinging to the side of the gutter, growing where nothing is supposed to grow.

And I had to pause for a minute and take stock. I found myself asking what does it mean to be sandwiched between a season that is asking me to give up and go inward, right next to a season that is all about abundance and flowering and exuberant growth. In fact, so much growth that this little beauty would find a bit of soil and grow right in the middle of the road?

In my reflections, I was reminded of a labyrinth walk that I had led a couple of weeks back.

One of the things about labyrinths is that they have only one path; the path winds into the center and then you follow it right back out. Often, when you read about how to walk a labyrinth, the literature will say something like, “don’t worry, you can’t get lost on a labyrinth because it is not a maze, just follow the path”. But on this particular day, it seemed like half of our group got lost trying to stay on the path. I had never experienced this before and finally gathered up some folks, took them straight to the center and then slowly had them follow me out as we walked the path together.

Now, I am sure you are asking what in the world a super bloom, the season of Lent, and a labyrinth walk have to do with each other? And to be honest, I have been sort of wondering the same thing as I prepared to write this blog post. But somehow, I knew they all fit together and I just needed to get quiet enough to listen so I could understand why.

And as I sat looking at those little yellow flowers clinging to the edge of the sidewalk, I had a bit of an insight. I realized that sometimes the competing messages in our lives make us feel lost. Make us wonder if we are going in the right direction, doing the right things, maybe spinning our wheels too much.

Maybe, we are trying to do something one way, but what we really want to do is the complete opposite. Maybe we want to be like those little yellow flowers and bloom somewhere we aren’t supposed to bloom. Or maybe it is a season all about exuberance and flowering and all we want to do is go quietly inward and rest in our cave for a bit.

All these competing messages can trip us up, make us lose the path, get confused and not know where our true center is found anymore. And when that happens, we need someone (or something) to gather us up, lead us back to our center, and show us the path one more time.

Now when I use the term “leader” I am doing so in a very loose and unstructured way. I am talking about the waymarkers in our life that help us to find direction, that invite us to consider if we are going the way we want to go or just going through the motions, following a path set out or us that doesn’t make sense, doesn’t fit or feel right.

For me, stumbling on those little yellow flowers clinging to the edge of the sidewalk made me realize that I was in a very different place than the typical Lenten disciplines invite. I was not in an inward, repentant, fasting sort of space. I was in a time of color and joy and activity. A time of dancing and celebration.

That was the season that fit for me and those yellow flowers helped guide me back to my true center. Helped shut out the competing voices telling me that I was meant to be going inward right now. They became the leader I needed at that moment to bring me back to my center.

Sometimes the leaders turn out to be people as well (not just flowers). I am thinking of another time recently when I was struggling with the direction of my work and how best to share who I am with others. I had been reading about the importance of social media strategies, marketing, and building a platform, and I found myself getting more and more uncomfortable. Thinking that maybe a job at Trader Joe’s or as an Uber driver would be a better fit for me after all. To hell with all this writing and art and stuff.

But then I thought of some of my writing heroes, and the path that they took to get their work out into the world. Everyone that came to mind had a sort of quiet stillness about them. And they had pursued sharing their work in a way that made sense to them, that fit with who they were as a person.

And just remembering their quiet ways helped calm me down. Helped lead me back to my center.

I was once again reminded that there are many ways of being in this world, and we get to find our own way of being and ways of sharing our gifts - regardless of whatever conventional wisdom says at the time.

So, I ask, in this season of awakening spring – who (or what) are you following? What waymarkers have helped you to stay true to your unique path? What is calling to you this season even if it doesn’t fit, or seems totally against all conventional wisdom? Who or what have been your leaders?

I hope you will share in the comments below so that we all can benefit from seeing how vast, and wide, and big, and mysterious, the holy can be in inviting us to our very best and truest self.

For me, I will be spending this season blooming. And when the gift of resurrection happens at Easter who knows? I may find myself climbing back into my cave for a little downtime, some self-examination, and a couple of days of fasting.

Peace to you all in whatever season you might find yourself in right now.