#becauseofRHE

Last weekend I learned the devastating news that Rachel Held Evans (RHE) had passed away at the age of 37. If you haven’t heard of her amazing work in the world – check out this article that came out in The New Yorker shortly after her death.

As for me, I stumbled on Rachel Held Evan’s quite by chance last year, while doing an assignment for a class I was taking online. The class was part of the Bookwifery series, designed to help individuals birth a book into the world. I had been sent on a fact-finding mission to the bookstore, to look for similar books, and authors, writing on the same topic as me. While perusing the latest release bookshelves, I stumbled upon her book, Inspired: Slaying giants, walking on water, and loving the Bible again.

I was intrigued by the title, and decided to buy the book. I had sort of fallen out of love with the Bible over the years and wanted to see what this author had to say on the subject.

I was surprised to find out that I was just about the only person I knew who had never heard of her work (so don’t feel bad if you have never heard of her either, it will make me feel better to know I had company in my unknowing). She had been called “a prophet with a pen” and for good reason.

RHE questioned and challenged many of the traditional stands of the Christian church, advocating for justice and empowering a more progressive voice for all. Her words also provided room for trouble makers like me to find their way back to the faith of their youth – albeit in a much more loose-fitting way, that felt more real and authentic, and less rule-bound.

And the book that I picked up last year ended up covered with my scribbles and notes. It also helped me to re-engage with the Bible in a new and refreshing way.

Her death hit me (and many others) hard, and I have spent the last few days trying to understand how such a vibrant and prophetic voice, so needed in today’s society, could be taken so early in her life – not to mention the young family she left behind.

As I have tried to make some sense out of her death (which is not possible), I was reminded of an idea that had popped into my mind a few weeks back while driving home. I was thinking about the popular phrase “bucket list” and playing around with its meaning.

If you are not familiar with the idea of a bucket list, it is that list of things we all keep in our hearts and hope to accomplish before we die.

The problem with a bucket list as I see it though, is that it can often feel too big and unmanageable, so we keep putting off the things we place on the list. Often we hear each other say things like, “I’ll do that after I retire” or, “When I finally have more financial stability I’ll make that happen”. Always it seems to be for some time in the future. A sort of, when, when, when, that never actually seems to come around.

In preparation for this blog post, I asked a few people about what they had on their bucket list, and here were some of the things I heard:

• Run a dog sanctuary

• Live on the beach and swim with the sharks and whales

• Stand on every continent at least once

• Leave a positive change in the world

• Arrive at death with the whispers of all the good I did in the world

• Publish at least one book in hopes that sharing my thoughts will better humanity somehow

• See Wicked on Broadway

• Ride my bike up to the Haleakala Crater

• Hike through Glacier National Park

And this is just a quick sampling of some of the amazing things people had on their bucket list. Pretty incredible stuff.

So, as I was driving and thinking about the nearly impossible bucket list, I thought maybe it needed to be refreshed. Maybe, instead of a hard to attain bucket list, what we really need, is a “fuck it list”.

And as I thought more about it, I decided I really loved this idea.

A list of things that you know might be totally irresponsible, but you say, “fuck it” I am going to do it anyway.

Or the dream you have that seems like such hard work, and feels totally unattainable, but you decided to say, “fuck it”, this will be so worth it and I am going to make this happen even if it disrupts my whole life.

Or the idea that you have that seem so crazy that you can’t even imagine how it got into your head in the first place but you know you have to do it (sort of like starting a blog in the day and age of social media) and so you say, “fuck it” I am going to give it a try.

The difference between the “bucket list”, and the “fuck it list”, is that there is no waiting. The “fuck it” list invites you to just throw up your hands and jump in, right now – despite the consequences.

Think about it for a bit. Think of the times in your life when you just jumped in and made the leap.

Often those end up being our biggest memories or our greatest gains. Even if we fail, or come up bruised and battered, we still feel more alive than we did just thinking about the idea, and not doing anything but dreaming. There is a freedom in the “fuck it” list, because it takes place in the here and now, and not in some well thought out, and planned future. And it has a carefree attitude about it that makes it seem not so serious or costly.

Now I don’t mean to be irreverent here, but as I have mourned the loss of Rachel Held Evans this past week, and the loss of all the amazing work that she had yet to bring into the world, I am also profoundly aware that in her short life span she did so much.

She published four books, not to mention countless articles and interviews. She also served on President Obama’s Advisory Council on Faith-Based and Neighborhood Partnerships, and co-founded two conferences for evolving and progressive Christians, “Why Christian?” and “Evolving Faith”, and so much more. And she still found time to create a meaningful personal life.

Her voice challenged many of the voices that had been the predominant Christian message for so long. In my mind, she totally embodied the concept of the “fuck it” list that I imagined. She made stuff happen. She didn’t wait for the right moment, or worry that people might not agree with her. And in doing so she opened, (or re-opened), the doorway to the Holy for countless individuals.

I cannot help imagining how much more empowered I might have felt had I found her earlier in my own career. I think of all those meetings, classes and church stuff, when I was still considering a call to traditional ministry, where I endured a constant barrage of older, traditional (most often men) church goers, yelling at me and calling me names for asking if we could use inclusive language, or questioning some of their actions and decisions.

At that time, I did not have the strength or the knowledge to challenge their voices, but thanks to people like Rachel Held Evans, I now do. She, and many other courageous women, paved a way for me to find, and use my own voice without apology or guilt. Empowering me to explore what a call to ministry might look life for me now, even if it doesn’t fit a traditional mold.

Last night, in my yoga class, our teacher told us that this time in the astrological and seasonal calendar year is a powerful time for manifesting things into our lives. It is of course spring time, and much is coming to life again, but we also recently had a new moon, which is traditionally a strong time for new beginnings. She asked us to consider our heart space, and what might be waiting there, ready to take flight, or to come into existence - and to trust this time to bring it to fruition.

So, I ask you the same question - in this time of fruitfulness and new beginnings- what is beating so powerfully in your heart space that you can no longer ignore it? What might be there asking for you to just throw up your hands and say, “fuck it” – it doesn’t make any sense, it might bring complete chaos, it might completely change my life, it might even fail - but I am going to do it anyway?

In honor of all the amazing gifts that Rachel Held Evans shared with this world, I hope you will take some time to consider the amazing gifts and experiences asking to come to life in your heart. And to boldly do them. And, what are you waiting for anyway?

None of us can really know how much time on this earth we will have, so the time is now – throw up your hands, shout out to the world “fuck it” – and then make it happen. Rachel Held Evans did, and I hope to honor her memory with the same courage, boldness and drive.

And if you are interested in seeing what kind of impact Rachel had in this world, check out the hashtag #BecauseofRHE. It might inspire your “fuck it list” to be even more bold and amazing.