And why does it matter?

These are a couple of questions that have been inviting my attention as of late. I think it came up after I attended a retreat earlier this month and was shown a new way of introducing ourselves to the gathered group that I had not experienced before. It got me thinking about how we meet each other in our daily lives, and try to orient our stories in relation to one another but usually not in very meaningful or real ways. And how we could possibly make a conscious effort to change that process.

Imagine the typical meet and greet – we ask questions like, where do you live, what type of work do you do in the world, do you have kids? Pets? Partner? etc. We may ask something like, “what brought you here to this event/party/job” or something a little bit deeper, but for the most part, we stay on the surface, and give just the most basic outline of who we are in the world.

This can make it hard to connect, and if all the studies that seem to be coming out lately are correct, this is what we all are longing for, a way to connect on a deep and intimate level with our communities. And to not feel so disconnected and alone.

It seems we need each other but we struggle to create real, vital, community connections that sustain us, and call us to be our best selves.

The retreat I attended was only for two days. I would have thought that was not enough time to make deep connections but the facilitator did an amazing job of getting that connection going when she gave us our introduction questions. She asked each participant to stand up and tell the group the following information:

1. Your name

2. To answer the question “I am the child of” (giving the name your mother, your maternal grandmother and great grandmother if you knew them)

3. To name the waters that flowed closest to your home

4. And finally, to fill in the answer to, “I am the spiritual child of” (providing the name of whoever/whatever you considered your spiritual ancestors or parent)

The retreat was focused on the sacred feminine so it made sense that we were being asked to share about our own sacred feminine lineage, but it could have easily been expanded or changed given different circumstances.

What was more interesting was what unfolded with the sharing process. I have never encountered anything like it before and it feels like there is a good lesson just waiting there to be extrapolated for our everyday lives. Some good morsels to help us create more community and deeper connections.

As people stood to introduce themselves, they answered the questions, but also added some other pieces, such as “I am also the mother of” and then named their children or their beloved pets.

In introducing the waters that flowed near their homes, they also included the names of the waters that had been important to them in their life, or in their childhood, or what they considered their spiritual waters.

But it was the last question that I found the most amazing.

The retreat took place in Chartres Cathedral in France. This cathedral has been a Christian place of worship for hundreds of years.

The title of the retreat was “Meeting Mary in Chartres,” focusing on the image of Mary (the mother of Christ) to guide us through the retreat. I have never really been drawn to Mary, so I was a bit concerned about how this was going to go, but one by one, the people got up and answered the question in the most wonderful and diverse ways.

We did have some individuals that felt a deep connection to Mary, or to other traditional spiritual figures such as Christ or Buddha, but there was so much more. It ended up that we had a Druid in our midst (who knew). There were others that did not claim any sort of traditional faith tradition, and some that were struggling with the tradition that they had been raised in and were looking for something new. Some individuals were struggling to claim that they were a spiritual child of anyone at that time and left the question unanswered while others mentioned mentors, pastors, family, and friends.

I felt bold as I got up and was able to say that I am the spiritual child of Hildegard of Bingen, St. Brigid of Kildare and Mother Oak who had accompanied me through a very difficult time in the past couple of years.

It felt so freeing, and so very sacred to name the things that have been in my heart as of late but not spoken out loud in community. In this intimate time of sharing, and holding space for one another, we were given a picture into each person’s soul. We were all there to go deeper in our spirituality, to grow and to learn, but we were also as diverse and different as could be, and that was just perfectly perfect.

By the end of the sharing, I had a deep sense of rootedness for all the individuals in the retreat. I felt like I had been offered an insight into their stories, what was meaningful to them, the places that they considered their sacred geography, and the people and holy beings that had birthed their whole selves into the world.

There was an intimacy that was created at that time that could not have been achieved with all the small talk in the world. We were bonded. A community was built even though we would only be spending two days together. It was such an amazing gift that I have not been able to forget its impact, and the impact it could have on the broader world, if we applied these same types of introductions and thoughtful questions to our everyday lives.

I thought, wow, what might happen if we asked each other these types of things and honored the answers? Holding space for each other as we listened to the answers. And we willingly answered each other even if it felt a little bit vulnerable or weird to be sharing such things?

One thing I have been learning after moving from my home of twenty two years and leaving behind a very large and beloved community, is that community can come in all sorts of forms – it can be a brief conversation with someone you stumble upon in a coffee shop, a weekend retreat with a group of people you may never see again, or it can be for a lifetime.

All of these forms of community matter, and they help us to feel connected to our fellow human beings and bring meaning to our lives. So why not connect more deeply? Why not share some of your roots with your fellow beings? And why not ask about their roots and listen deeply to their answers? Imagine the connections we might invite into the world.

So, I’ll go first.

“My name is Noelle. I am the mother to Robert and Tabitha, the daughter of Sarah, granddaughter of Pat, great-granddaughter of Bertha (although she was an adopted Great Grandmother). The waters that flow closest to me are in the lake that resides in my neighborhood, but my spiritual waters are the Snoqualmie River that flowed by my home of 22 years in the Pacific Northwest, and the waters of the Caher River that flows through the Burren of Ireland. My sense of whose spiritual child I come from is in transition. For this moment in time, I will say that I am the spiritual daughter of Gaia, Mother Oak, and the one that I can only refer to as God, but which is formless, shapeless, genderless and blessedly holy, divine, and present all around me.”

Now your turn… I promise I am listening.

And, peace to you - no matter where you find yourself rooted these days.